About this book:
Published April 12, 2016 by Difference Press
Parenting is a responsibility of epic proportions. As a parent, you’ll have your child for a year when they are a baby, four years when they’re a toddler, and preschooler, a child for five years, and then for eight years when they’re a preteen and a teenager. Then you are mostly done with your job of parenting. How you do this job of parenting will have an impact on your child for the rest of their life.
But, don’t despair! There are no perfect parents. We didn’t have them, our parents didn’t have them, and our children won’t either. However, we can all be parents who are good enough.
In New Rules for Positive Parenting, author Jerre Ader reviews research on new brain science and attachment theory and what it tells us about raising secure children. She describes how beliefs and behavior patterns, or schemas, can be developed in childhood and stay with us and impact our thinking and behavior as adults. The way a person describes the childhood they had provides useful information about how their own child is likely to attach.
Your attachment style impacts 90 percent of your relationships. The attachment process occurs throughout the life span. You will learn how you can develop acquired secure attachment and pass that secure attachment on to your child.
Parents who change can change their children.
It’s been a while since I read a book that left me undecided on whether I liked it (or agreed with it, in the case of nonfiction). Jerre Ader’s New Rules for Positive Parenting falls in that category.
I got this book because our daughter recently rounded the teen mark and with that, came her desire to attend brick and mortar public school for the first time. What we had going on worked, but I knew we could improve our relationship.
New Rules does lay down valuable, science based information on attachment, and some of the ways parents can foster better relationships with their children. Ms. Ader also makes valid points about how our own childhood attachment wounds affect adults, and those remaining wounds go on to affect our relationships with our children, I felt her suggestions on how adults can heal these wounds fell short of helpful. [Note: I’ve read a number of the reviews for this book on Amazon, and she’s gotten a number of 5 stars, with a large number of those from self-identified therapists – Maybe my lack of understanding in this department, specifically in psychology contributes to this.]
I also struggled with her whole insistence that we should not tell our children “no.” I’ve heard this idea before, and I simply cannot get on board with it. Times will always arise where trying to compromise or conversate a child (whether 3 or 15) is neither appropriate nor practical.
I would recommend this book to new or want-to-be-parents, especially. Parents with older children may, like me, struggle with this information, whether from deep seated patterns (from childhood and current situations) or from practical experience. Like any nonfiction work, my recommendation is to approach it with an open mind and take away anything useful you find.
Purchase this book:
This book is available from Amazon in Kindle format here. [affiliate link]